individu

by

to say that i am lucky
would be a colossal understatement.
i got scouted
to be a model
walking a farmer's market,
pushing my mom in a wheelchair,
when i was 13 years old.
sure,
the fashion and entertainment world
can be harsh,
unforgiving,
and judgemental,
but people dream of having the opportunities
that i am blessed to be given.
i dreamed and worked so hard for this..
pushed through so much hardship.
every now and then,
i forget that.
the monotony of any job
can make you lose sight of why
you loved it in the first place.
faking a smile,
trying to be everyone's image of perfection,
not having that burger so i can fit in those jeans;
it can make a person lose 
their sense of
self.
but after 12 years
of "yes's and no's" 
and moments of being flat broke,
couch surfing while being practically homeless,
and opposing moments of seeing myself
on tv and billboards
(and crying out of pure happiness),
being that person,
being who i truly am,
is why the success and failure hasn't
ruined me.
i was the little girl
with the mustache
and unibrow.
my parents weren't rich.
i didn't have a million friends,
i was in show choirs,
sang songs in latin.
girls were mean.
kids were mean.
i came home crying once a week.
i wasn't "cool".

that's who i am.
that's why i can't forget
where i came from
or how fortunate i am
to be here, where i am, in this moment.




"individu"
french
"self"