Thursday, July 16, 2015

sangre

its fridaaaay.
when i was a kid
vampires
were all i ever wanted
to be in life.
blood sucking sexy ass 
mother fuckers 
made me believe in a man
pale as paper with 
a solid case of red wine mouth.
i dedicated my nights
to watching
buffy
interview with the vampire
from dusk till dawn
...
you get it,
i was one of those weirdos.

as an adult
you can't really be publicly 
obsessed with vampires anymore
which is lame,
but i can still be a closet weirdo.

don't under-estimate
the total freak out
i will have
if i see anything
"blood orange"
on a menu.
it's embarrassing
i love that
delicious fucking fruit
for more than its
suggestively vampiric name.
so i think it's
beyond necessary to
find ways to drink it
with booze.

i killed it.
legit, buffy the vampire orange slayer style
killed the game.


blood orange & honey vodka
1 mason jar
1 bottle of vodka
1 blood orange
1 1/2 tsp honey
this is that shit that's going to make you look like a motha fuckin' g at your next party, and no one besides myself will know how easy it was. you better sharpen your knife if you want your slices thin and pretty like mine. basically, it goes like this.. you slice them pretty blood orange slices reeeeal thin, toss them and your honey into a mason jar, pour your favorite vodka over the top, close the lid and wait a week.. if you don't want it to get bitter, remove most of the slices from the jar after your lonnnnng wait. your bloody little oranges will have lost all their color into the booze.. making the vodkie all garnet and shit. v v impressive. mix it into all the drinks you normally would put vodka and citrus.. you will thank me for all the praise you receive.

(there's a real simple cocktail recipe below if you need me to do all the thinking for you)
bloody valentine spritz

1 shot blood orange & honey vodka
 2 1/2 oz ginger beer

pour this lady in red over ice or strain into a martini glass if you'z a fancy bitch.


it wants your mouth on it.
i wants you to drink it's blood.
it wants to be a vampire too.


"sangre"
spanish
"blood"


2 comments
Thursday, May 7, 2015

ridículo

theres nothing i do better

than drinking
and eating.
simply the fact
that i'm a southern california girl
made me born with an innate 
 romeo and juliet
love affair
with 
mexican food.
i will celebrate
anything
that includes 
chips
and
salsa.
feliz belated cinco de mayo ya'll

i'll devour your chile verde
inhale your asada tacos
shovel down your guacamole
and i will drink a baby pool
of your margaritas.
but let's get serious
tortilla soup
is just the tits.

I am  a big fan of this kind of soup and so i decided to take the plunge and master my own. if you're ready to make gallons of goodness for your body and spicy mexican soul, i urge you to get down with me on this recipe. prepare yourself for my tortilla soup.


king of all tortilla soups

shredded chicken
1 lb boneless skinless chicken
2 tbs oregano
2 tbs paprika
1/4 red onion
1 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp red chili flakes
1/2 lemon

soup broth
1 can roasted diced tomatoes
3/4 small yellow onion 
2 tbs chiles in adobo sauce
1 large dried pasilla ancho chiles
3 cloves garlic
1 fist full of cilantro
4 cups chicken broth

grab your crock pot in the morning and set it to high. place chicken breasts at the bottom and pour in a cup of water and squeeze the half lemon all over. dump in all those delicious spices and chop those red onions and throw them in too. cover that shit up and fuh'gedda'boutit. after 3-4 hours or when your chicken is cooked through, shred the meat and lay it back in the juice. turn the crock pot off and grab a big soup pot and that blender you bought for "green smoothies". in the blender, throw in the entire can of tomatoes, and all our other goodies except the broth. turn that blender on high and crank that sucker till the sauce is smooth. heat up your soup pot to medium high with a little bit of olive oil to coat the bottom, pour in the creamy red sauce. cook this down for 5-8 minutes or until the sauce thickens.. or until you finish that margarita and make yourself another. you deserve it. once the sauce thickens, add the chicken broth and shredded chicken and lower the heat. its ready. as long as you didn't forget the chips to go on top... of course you didn't, you're perfect. 

get that sauce all nice and creamy like
i see you licking
those lips
g'head take a spoonful
and then drink that shit
because you did this.
go you.



"ridículo"
spanish
"ridiculous"


leave a comment
Friday, April 17, 2015

ubriaco

today is friday. 
and what does that mean, class?
nonjudgmental drinking hour starts
a lot earlier.

it's five o'clock somewhere.
or even later in some places
which means
we have to catch up.

i'm a drinking kind of gal.
i like mostly all beverages
beer
wine
champagne
rum 
vodka
whiskey
tequila if its island time.

what i hate
is
mixologists.
i like fancy
but fancy doesn't need to take 
ten whole minutes for something
i'm just going to obnoxiously pound anyways.

mixing bitters and whiskey
for eight whole minutes
makes my
old fashioned
old news. 
so i have prepared for you
a quick
impressive
sexy as giselle on a summer day
cocktail "spritzer"
that will make panties drop
and mixologists eyes roll right out their heads.



the rosemary tangerine champ-tail
1 tangerine
2 sprigs of rosemary
champagne
vodka
ice

to initiate the joy you are about to receive, make sure you have a cocktail shaker and lots of ice. prepare yourself for the quickest fancy thing since the five dollar burger. take that shaker and fill that sucker with ice to the brim. if you feel like sharing, pour two overflowing shots of vodka into the shaker, this is also just about enough for a normal "mommy had a long day" drink. now we take that sprig of rosemary and brake it in half, tearing the leaves and tossing them into the shaker. take your halved tangerine and squeeeeeeeeeeze that bitch like your trying to arm wrestle it, making sure the juice gets into the shaker and not all over your arms because you're so strong. now, cover and shake. we are so close to alcoholic victory. pour your vodka tange rosemary concoction into a martini glass. feel the excitement as you pop that champagne, yeah girl.. pop it. now top your mix with the champagne and garnish with the leftover stick of rosemary and any tange slices you have lying around. now sip. or chug. and enjoy being a classy at home mixologist.

i'm proud of us.
we deserve this.


"ubriaco"
italian
"drunk"

1 comment
Tuesday, December 2, 2014

equilibrio

I want to speak candidly 
about the things I feel
day in
and day out.

the things that
tear me up,
keep my thoughts 
awake in bed,
and have me questioning 
my confidence..


i want to speak
about my struggle
with my reflection.


every day, sure as the sun rises, i wake up, walk to the bathroom, lift my shirt in the mirror and pinch my fat.



i don't give myself a second to feel any confidence.
i wake up and shut myself down, instantly.
sometimes i look at instagram or blogs before i get up and,
to be honest, it only makes it worse.
i admire the human body,
just not my own.
"the media" and my job as a model
have altered my brain 
to think that good enough
is never good enough.

i silently scream inside.
constantly, i have brands and agents
telling me that i need to
"thin out" here
and "tone up" there.
the fact that thinning out and toning up
are the only ways for me to keep my job
is stressful enough..
but the commentary and daily dialogue
about my belly fat and saddle bags
makes me feel low in real life.
i could go out and get any other job,
but i'm going to keep thinking that i'm "fat" or "unattractive"
until i find a way to make myself feel beautiful
on my own.




i've struggled with starving myself,
taking diet pills,
drinking a thousand espressos
to keep my hunger at bay,
but being unhealthy didn't
make me feel any more beautiful.
i've done every work out fad
there has ever been.
pure barre, 
reformer pilates,
paid thousands for ex NFL trainers,
and i never satisfy my industry's desire for perfection.
i haven't figured out what
my "self perfection" is yet.
i mean,
eating mashed potatoes 
and fitting in a double zero
with abs like giselle 
would be rad..
but i have to figure out how i'm 
going to achieve that 
and love myself in the process.
the ironic part
is that i obviously have a love
for food..
and i'm not talking just burgers
and ice cream,
but i love kale and beets and chia seeds...
i love healthy food as much as i love 
a breakfast at mcdonald's.
my struggle lies in balance.
i need to find a balance between
pushing myself past my limits;
limits of what i feel my body is capable of
and limits of when i'm depriving myself of things that make me happy.
this isn't a new battle,
it's one i've been fighting for years.
i know i am not alone in this struggle,
and i want you to know you aren't either.



"equilibrio"
italian
balance

4 comments
Thursday, June 12, 2014

φρέσκος

i'm sorry
i disappeared into a busy frenzy.
i found myself
swimming in a sea of work
and then i treated myself
to a trip down south.
but i'm back
and i need to get my
healthy eating
back
on 
track.
stat.
when i splurge
on a week or more of 
fried
chicken,
okra,
cube steak
eating,
i come home
and make myself
a tub of easy to grab 
salad.

here we go.
my favorite,
easy to grab,
always satisfying,
light and clean
salad...


tabouli
1 1/2 cup fresh curly parsley (1 whole bunch), finely chopped
1/2 cup fresh mint leaves, finely chopped
1/4 of 1 cucumber
1/2 of 1 roma tomato
1/4 of 1 small red onion, finely chopped
1/4 cup pepperocinis, finely chopped

1/2 cup quinoa
1 cup water
1 sprig of mint

3 tbs. olive oil
juice from 1 1/2 lemons
ground pepper to taste

in a medium size pan, bring your water to boil with quinoa and a mint sprig (you don't NEED the mint in there, but i like the flavor it gives the quinoa, plus if someone is watching, it makes you look super fancy). once you reach a boil, drop the heat, cover the pan and simmer for about ten minutes. when its done cooking, let it sit for another five minutes, covered, over no fire.. then place into a bowl and let it cool in your fridge or on the counter. now your real skills are going to come in, now we start chopping the shit out of pretty much everything. this is the time where i play some gangster rap and take my frustration out on vegetables (i'm not crazy). take your bunch of parsley and get to chopping; i like mine pretty finely chopped, so i go hard for a solid five minutes at this thing. do the same to the mint. when they're both pretty much dead, toss them into a bowl and grab your lemons and give them a hard roll to loosen them up and release the juice. squeeze the juice from one and a half lemons, or more if you like the tartness, into your chopped parsley and mint. grab your onion, make sure to chop it into small pieces or you'll get bites that taste slightly spicier than others. then take the cucumber and slice it into strips, dice those strips slightly thicker so we get a nice crunch. now, i'm not a huge fan of tomatoes, but i can handle them in this because the lemon kicks ass and makes everything taste like heaven. take your tomato, slice it into fourths and cut out the center and toss it out. then dice whats left and toss it in. we are coming to the end of this fun little journey.. grab some pepperocinis out of the jar, slice them into strips, toss them in. NOW, take your quinoa and lightly fluff it into the masterpiece. drizzle on that olive oil, grind that pepper... holy shit. it's done. it's time. eat it. if you have patience, it tastes better the longer it melds together, but i don't. i have no patience. so i eat it with a fork, with a pita chip, i eat it on a tuna sandwich, and i don't waste time.

roll dem lemons gurl! excuse my veiny hands
i am literally eating this while typing.
i don't know if its still considered 
healthy if you eat
a whole gallon of it
in one sitting.

fuck itttttttt.

"φρέσκος"
greek
"fresh"

1 comment
Tuesday, May 27, 2014

moglie

if i'm not sitting on my computer
window shopping on foodgawker,
i'm sitting on my couch
window shopping on foodnetwork.
i hear iron chefs
and home cooks alike
drill into my brain
that five ingredients
are all you need
to create something magical.
yeah.
if at least one of those
five ingredients
is
bacon.

the best thing i ever did
was cook my way
into my boyfriend's heart.
if you're looking to do the same,
i suggest making this
easy, impressive, delicious side
that will make
hearts sing
and taste buds dance.


5 ingredient bacon beans
1 handful of green beans or haricot vert
3 slices of bacon
1/5 chopped red onion
1 tsp minced garlic
1 tbs olive oil


start by heating a non-stick pan over medium high heat. get that bacon frying, we want crunchy bacon for this. once your bacon is crunchy and irresistible, remove it from the pan and dump out half the bacon grease and add your red onions. turn the heat down to medium and once the onions start to become soft, add in those green beans. cut up your bacon into little pieces and toss it in the pan along with the garlic and olive oil. cook for another 5-6 minutes and tah-dah! a bacon delight that would have any man putting a ring on it. 

i ate it too fast... soooo... there was no photo of it once it was done.
sorry, not sorry.

"moglie"
italian
"wife"

because this will automatically make you wifey material

leave a comment
Tuesday, May 13, 2014

cerdo

tuesday
means it's time
for
totally tubular
tacos.
totally tantalizing
taco tastebuds.
i know, i know
everything i've been making
lately has been healthy
and green
and good for you,
but pork is good
for your soul.


pure pleasure pineapple pork shoulder
1 4-6 lb. pork shoulder
2 tbs. coarse sea salt
2 tbs. coarse ground pepper
5 chipotle peppers in adobo (chopped)
dry rub
2 tbs. paprika
1 tbs. cumin
2 tbs. dried oregano
2 tsp. garlic powder
2 tsp. onion powder
1 tsp. olive oil
juice
1/2 cup chopped pineapple
1 can petite diced tomatoes
1/4 cup orange juice

start out by admiring this beautiful hunk of meat you are about to defeat. 
 flip the beast over and score the fat (cut criss-crossing lines about a quarter inch deep). season with salt and pepper, massaging the flavor into every nook and cranny of your scored fat. mix all ingredients together for the rub and liberally apply all over the other sides of the shoulder.
 take a large skillet and warm over medium high heat. place shoulder in the pan, fat side down. don't add oil because the fat is going to brown and melt into your pan and create a ridiculously gluttonous place for your meat to sear in. 
 sear fat side for 6-7 minutes, then flip the beast and sear for 4 minutes until entire shoulder is browned on the outside. this time consuming process locks in the flavor and creates a devilish crust on the outside of your meat.
 while your meat cools down, grab your chipotle peppers and get to choppin'. heat up your crock pot to "high" or "6 hours". grab your chopped chipotles and rub them all over your pork, fat side and everywhere. place your meat in the crock pot, fat side up (again while this cooks, the fat will melt down into the rest of the meat and make it, for lack of better word, moist).
now, dump your juice all over the meat, including the pineapple chunks, and let it fall into the bottom. cover it up, have some patience, and let it cook for AT LEAST the next 5 hours. if you're like me, you lift that lid and peek at the beast every now and then... don't. don't do it, let that steam get in that monster and you won't regret it.
 when the time is up, or your patience has worn thin, carefully lift the meat from the sauce. start shredding the it by using two forks and pulling in opposite directions. pour the juice into a large pot and simmer on low heat, toss your meat back into the sauce. mix it up until the juice seems to melt into the shredded goodness in your pot, grab a tortilla, or a bowl, or a fork, and eat. don't forget to include a pineapple or two in your taco because that shit tastes damn good together.
my heart beats for you
oh juicy taco.

"cerdo"
spanish
"pork"

1 comment